Monday Motivation: Happiness

by Christopher Gronlund on March 8, 2010

Over the weekend, I replied to this post on Jane Friedman’s blog. (The entry is about happiness — in particular, about what we once believed would make us happy.)

In replying, I wrote:

I’ve found that I’m happiest when I do things I can do most days: going for walks and hikes, juggling, enjoying a drink with my wife or friends. In fact, the happiest I am is when we have friends over for dinners. I’m happier on those evenings than I am when I see an article I wrote in print, or finish a big piece of writing.

I’m more satisfied when I see an article in a newspaper or magazine, but I’m happier when I’m with people I care about, or doing certain things I enjoy.

I also wrote:

At 21…I thought happiness would come only through writing.

I started writing seriously when I was 20. I told myself that I would be a successful writer by the time I reached 40.

I turned 40 last year, and in the months before turning 40, I felt down because I hadn’t reached the goal I set for myself when I was 20.

I’m okay where I am as a writer, now, though. While I’m not where I thought I’d be based on the perceived writing success I thought I’d have by now, I’m a better writer at 40 than I thought I would be. I’m just as focused and serious about writing as ever, and I’m happy writing no matter what happens. In my reply on Jane’s blog, I wrote:

I was so concerned thinking that having things published was the only way to be happy as a writer. Now that I appreciate the act of writing more than ever, it doesn’t matter what happens, just as long as I write.

I’m just as idealistic as I’ve always been, but I appreciate my time away from writing as much as I appreciate my time writing. When I was younger, I based too much of my happiness on writing.

I wrote:

“…many of my idealistic dreams of youth never happened. I’m still idealistic, but I no longer look at the list of what I thought would make me happy as the only path to happiness.

Anytime I’m feeling down, all I have to do is go for a long walk or invite some friends over for dinner.

Focusing on being happy right now makes it easier than ever to still shoot for those idealistic goals.”

Since being laid off, I’ve been very happy. My days are spent writing, spending time with people I care about, and doing things I enjoy. The one short time I supported myself writing, my time was spent writing, juggling, and being with family and friends.

I loved it!

Lately, I’ve been focused on writing more than ever. Not because it’s important for me to be regularly published and able to say, “I’m a full time writer,” but because I like the life that making it on my own brings.

So what about you? What makes you happy? When you focus on what makes you happy, do you find you write better?

{ 0 comments }

Walking Away

by Christopher Gronlund on March 5, 2010

I see writers who talk about how much they really don’t like writing.

And yet, they do it.

They talk about how agonizing writing is, but act as though they don’t have a choice in the matter. They tell would-be writers to run as far away from writing as they can, as though the act of writing is like a syringe full of heroin that automatically presses the plunger against their will.

Their message is this: “If you choose to write, your life will suck, you will hurt, and in the end, the pain only gets worse.”

If all that’s the case, then why the hell write? (There’s no shame in doing something else that actually makes you happy.)

The common answer is, “I can’t help myself,” or, “I have no choice.”

I understand that compulsion, but we do have a choice.

When I don’t write, I get restless. I was a hyper kid with no attention span. I was dropped into learning disability classes for dyslexia and other issues. For whatever reason, I was able to focus [obsessively] on writing and juggling (and, to a lesser extent, reading). It didn’t come easy, but I enjoyed it and I worked hard to get where I am today.

There have been times writing’s been difficult for me, but I’ve always enjoyed it, even when it’s been tough. When I look at the times writing has hurt, it wasn’t writing that was the problem, but other things getting in the way, making it hard to focus on writing as much as I wanted.

I like writing — that’s why I write!

If you loathe something, why do it? Why not just stop, or at least change your focus and goals.

I’ve known writers and artists who have walked away from their passions at their best. People around them didn’t understand why somebody so talented would stop doing something they loved. I’ve seen people stop for various reasons: too much time taken away from other things they enjoy, the act of creating got harder the better they got and they expected more from themselves, revising a novel for the 5th – 25th time is the most tedious thing one may ever do, and the biggie: the commercial aspect ruined the fun of something they once loved.

I don’t fault these people. In almost every case I’ve seen this happen, the person was happier after they stopped.

But the people around them weren’t happy; they couldn’t understand why somebody with talent would walk away from what they loved.

The funny thing about talent: it’s not this rare thing many like to believe it is. Sure, some have innate ability, an edge that some seem born with, but talent comes with hard work and the way one looks at things. I’d go as far as saying that if people truly push themselves to get better every time they sit down to do something, that talent is a learned thing that just happens — not a magical thing some people are born with and others can never have.

So when somebody gets angry when a “talented” person stops living a life many dream about, or stop before success comes their way, it doesn’t seem fair to me. The very people knocking the “quitter” have the same shot the “talented” person had, but they chose not to sacrifice for years to reach a level of skill where their talents become evident.

If somebody is going to write, they’re going to write — it’s silly for me to try telling them not to do it. The act of writing isn’t as easy as most people think it is; the dream of making a living as a novelist is unlikely. But it’s worth it. The act of writing, editing, and receiving feedback is worth the hard work, even if you never sell a thing.

If it hurts too much and you don’t enjoy it, then don’t do it, and don’t let people make you feel guilty for walking away.

But at least give it a try for a decade or so and see what happens.

Maybe you’ll stop trying to do it for commercial success and do it for your own pleasure. Maybe you’ll quit entirely. Or maybe — just maybe — you’ll make it!

There’s only one way to find out, and it helps a lot if you enjoy it along the way…

{ 2 comments }

5 Ways to Get Back to Writing

March 3, 2010

When most people do something for a long time, it’s inevitable that there will be lags in production.
Writing is no different — especially for people juggling work, writing, and a life.
If you find yourself frustrated after a lull in writing, don’t dwell on it — follow these five tips to get back to piling up [...]

Read the full article →

Monday Motivation: The Courage

March 1, 2010

One of my favorite books is John Irving’s, A Prayer for Owen Meany.
There’s a line in the book that’s one of the best lines ever written:
“If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it.”
I’ve worked odd jobs, passed by promotions, and put [...]

Read the full article →

Friday Night MothUp

February 28, 2010

Sorry I didn’t post much last week, and I’m sorry I missed a reply to the entry about listening.
I was busy last week working on a story and preparing for the inaugural Storyteller Ranch Dallas MothUp (the theme was “Love Hurts”):

Christopher Gronlund from Marcel Cairo on Vimeo.

Read the full article →

Monday Motivation: Failure

February 22, 2010

I’ve decided to reserve Mondays for something motivating to kick off the week.
It may be a quote, an image, a writing challenge, or a post. It’s always good to begin a new week charged for writing or, at the very least, thinking about writing.
This Monday, it’s a quote:
“Failure is the condiment that gives success its [...]

Read the full article →

Shut Up and Listen

February 19, 2010

Listen.
With faint dry sound,
Like steps of passing ghosts,
The leaves, frost-crisp’d, break from the trees
And fall.
- “November Night,” by Adelaide Crapsey
*          *          *
I’ve met a lot of people who want to write but have a hard time listening.

They don’t listen to advice
They don’t listen to the way people talk
They don’t listen to the world around them.

One [...]

Read the full article →

Can Technology Save Storytelling?

February 17, 2010

I have a very busy friend — he’s the Assistant Vice President of Application Architecture for a large company. Almost every morning, he’s up early for a run in his neighborhood or on his stationary bike. He has two young daughters who keep him very busy. He’s not the kind of father who puts work [...]

Read the full article →

Copy Cats

February 15, 2010

When I started writing, I broke away from the most common bit of writing advice: “Read as much as you can!”
I’d read enough throughout my life to know how stories worked. When I started writing stories, I didn’t want too much of the writers I looked up to showing up in my work.
So I stopped [...]

Read the full article →

Restrict Yourself

February 12, 2010

If I look over my left shoulder while sitting at my desk in the office, there are six longboxes of comic books and a small comic box to my immediate left.
This doesn’t include all the graphic novels and collections.
This also doesn’t include some of the comic books and collections on a shelf in the bedroom.
*          [...]

Read the full article →