Micheal O’Brien — The thirteen-year-old narrator of Hell Comes With Wood Paneled Doors.

James O’ Brien — Michael’s father, a man with a love for road trips and collecting kitschy things.

Mary O’Brien — Michael’s mother, the overbearing, bingo-playing epitome of tackiness.

Elvis and Olivia — Michael’s creepy younger siblings (unidentical twins).

Aunt Margie — Michael’s backwoods aunt (Mary’s twin sister).

Lucky the Chihuahua — “2,358 pounds of absolute evil packed into a three-pound body…”

The Inferno — A 5,000 pound steel beast of a station wagon fueled by a whole lotta Satan!