{"id":8092,"date":"2021-08-24T09:46:05","date_gmt":"2021-08-24T14:46:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/?p=8092"},"modified":"2021-08-24T09:46:08","modified_gmt":"2021-08-24T14:46:08","slug":"wanting-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/2021\/08\/24\/wanting-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Wanting It&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"800\" height=\"457\" src=\"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-content\/upLoads\/reaching.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-8093\" srcset=\"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-content\/upLoads\/reaching.jpg 800w, http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-content\/upLoads\/reaching-300x171.jpg 300w, http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-content\/upLoads\/reaching-768x439.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>I&#8217;ve been a fan of <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Lilah_Sturges\">Lilah Sturges&#8217;s<\/a> writing since a friend (<a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Mark_Finn\">Mark Finn<\/a>) joined a shared world fiction anthology called <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Clockwork_Storybook\">Clockwork Storybook<\/a> in the late 90s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In a Twitter thread this morning, Lilah talked about a concept I hate: Wanting\/Not Wanting something enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And then she said something that really hit me:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\"><p>&#8230;maybe I don&#8217;t want to want something that badly.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-twitter wp-block-embed-twitter\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"500\" data-dnt=\"true\"><p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">It would really suck if that happened and I\u2019d grieve about it but my life wouldn\u2019t be over. I have friends and family and other profitable skills. I\u2019d be fine. Maybe that means I \u201cdon\u2019t want it enough\u201d or something but maybe I don\u2019t want to want something that badly.<\/p>&mdash; Lilah Sturges, Trans \u201cCool Mom\u201d (@LilahSturges) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/LilahSturges\/status\/1430152765700022275?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">August 24, 2021<\/a><\/blockquote><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Wanting It<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>If you tell me you believe in the <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Law_of_attraction_(New_Thought)#Criticism\">&#8220;Law of Attraction,&#8221;<\/a> I&#8217;d hope to find something else to discuss. While I am a very positive person (often ridiculously so), if manifesting what one wants out of life worked, I would have been writing fiction full time for decades.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Despite a tendency toward shyness, as early as high school (where I did all I could to remain invisible) I took speech classes (putting myself out there) because I knew writers had to be good public speakers in addition to writing well. I studied craft <em>and <\/em>the industry to the point I could have probably talked about publishing better than some people teaching writing who focused more on craft than how to actually sell writing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>While people I know were taking vacations and moving up the corporate ladder, I put what little money I made back into writing and took mindless jobs that allowed me to think about writing all day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You&#8217;d have been hard-pressed to find someone who &#8220;wanted it&#8221; more than I did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So why did Lilah&#8217;s tweet hit me so much?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Wanting Other Things<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Somewhere along the way, I saw some creative friends succeed&#8230;a few, to ridiculous levels of success. (That&#8217;s badass!) And&#8230;I saw others who made a living doing the thing they love struggle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I saw comic book artists taking on work they&#8217;d rather not have done because it paid the bills; I saw novelists yearning to tell stories they&#8217;ve still never told because they have to write the next thing most likely to succeed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I eventually stopped warehouse and factory work and moved up to making more money. Still struggling &#8212; still putting everything back into writing &#8212; but not suffering at least. And then&#8230;I began making enough money that I realized I&#8217;d not likely make that kind of income writing fiction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I still &#8220;wanted it&#8221; (&#8220;it&#8221; being life as a successful novelist). I will always, to some degree, desire that life because the tastes I&#8217;ve had of having all the time I want to write have been wonderful. But one day I realized I could write whatever I wanted because money didn&#8217;t matter, while some &#8220;successful&#8221; people I knew couldn&#8217;t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That, coupled with wanting other things (more time with family and friends; more time to myself), meant that maybe I &#8220;no longer wanted it enough.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Not Wanting to Want Something So Badly<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Sturges hit it when she said, &#8220;&#8230;maybe I don&#8217;t want to want something that badly.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Or&#8230;maybe it&#8217;s about realizing &#8220;it&#8221; may never happen and wanting other things more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There have been mornings I woke up with the intention to write all day. But&#8230;maybe the weather is just so and I decide to go for a morning hike with my wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;I&#8217;ll write after lunch&#8230;&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And then the time comes, and I&#8217;d rather have a couple drinks and chat with her. Or go visit my mom or do something else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Maybe wanting that thing so badly is a younger notion, even though I know people older than me still reaching out in desperation. You hit a point where it&#8217;s like, &#8220;I&#8217;ve run into this wall so many times that I <em>might <\/em>finally break through it; and besides, now it&#8217;s all I know how to do!&#8221; (Oh, how I have been entwined with that <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Sunk_cost\">sunk-cost<\/a> trap!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But you&#8217;re more likely to end up a bloody pulp who missed out on the things &#8220;it&#8221; would have made even better in your mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The Life of a Writer<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>For some, they imagine fame. Ah, to be known and revered for who you are!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For someone like me, I&#8217;d be content never being known if I could do what I love most full time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For others, it&#8217;s about camaraderie with their peers&#8230;or dedicating every moment to one&#8217;s passion &#8212; even at the exclusion of most other things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There&#8217;s no right or wrong way to imagine an ideal writing life&#8230;and there&#8217;s nothing wrong with wanting that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But there&#8217;s also nothing wrong with not wanting it, either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">All or Nothing<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Especially in the U.S., we frame so much through an all-or-nothing lens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>&#8220;We can&#8217;t have a system likely to benefit most because I <em>might <\/em>one day be a billionaire!&#8221;<\/li><li>&#8220;I don&#8217;t want a day job because it&#8217;s important for me to say I made it all on my own!&#8221;<\/li><li>&#8220;I will be famous or I&#8217;ll be nothing at all!&#8221;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Hell, if you&#8217;re going to do <a href=\"http:\/\/nolumberjacks.com\">a fiction podcast<\/a>, why would you put 40-60 hours into each episode unless it was a hit?! \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>By framing so many things in this manner, <em>most <\/em>people striving for something huge end up miserable. (And many of those who &#8220;make it&#8221; aren&#8217;t very good people because they see themselves as better than those who didn&#8217;t.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I understand a 20-year-old shooting for an all-or-nothing life against the odds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But once you hit middle age (or even before), it&#8217;s kind of a fool&#8217;s game.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\"><p>&#8230;maybe I don&#8217;t want to want something that badly.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>There&#8217;s nothing wrong with not wanting something that badly&#8230;or wanting other things. Hell, you&#8217;ll probably be happier and not as tired all the time if you stop reaching for something you&#8217;re not likely to attain in an all-or-nothing world.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;ve been a fan of Lilah Sturges&#8217;s writing since a friend (Mark Finn) joined a shared world fiction anthology called Clockwork Storybook in the late 90s. In a Twitter thread this morning, Lilah talked about a concept I hate: Wanting\/Not Wanting something enough. And then she said something that really hit me: &#8230;maybe I don&#8217;t [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8092"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8092"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8092\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8099,"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8092\/revisions\/8099"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8092"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8092"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8092"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}