{"id":4106,"date":"2012-05-02T18:01:47","date_gmt":"2012-05-02T23:01:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/?p=4106"},"modified":"2012-05-02T19:10:16","modified_gmt":"2012-05-03T00:10:16","slug":"a-word-of-warning-about-that-writing-thing-pt-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/2012\/05\/02\/a-word-of-warning-about-that-writing-thing-pt-1\/","title":{"rendered":"A Word of Warning about that Writing Thing Pt. 1"},"content":{"rendered":"<figure style=\"width: 250px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Swim at Your Own Risk sign.\" src=\"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/images\/swimatrisk.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"375\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Dustin Askins (http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/dustinaskins\/)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>[I don&#8217;t know how many entries this will become&#8230;maybe three? While I don&#8217;t get too personal on the blog, for some reason, I feel compelled to write this.<\/p>\n<p>So I am.]<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">* * *<\/p>\n<p>Somewhere around 20, I traded one obsession for another.<\/p>\n<p>When I was 12 I taught myself how to juggle. I wasn&#8217;t content just knowing <em>how <\/em>to juggle &#8212; I wanted to be a <em>good <\/em>juggler. It wasn&#8217;t that I had to be the <em>best <\/em>juggler in the world, but I had to be the best juggler <em>I<\/em> could be&#8230;no matter what it took.<\/p>\n<p>The standards I held for myself were ridiculously high, and I have no doubt that had I not swapped obsessions, I&#8217;d be paying my bills as a juggler today.<\/p>\n<p>Juggling is a funny thing. When people hear that I juggle, they often say they&#8217;ve tried juggling and failed &#8212; or that\u00a0 they just <em>know <\/em>they could never do it, so why even <em>try<\/em>? Strange, then, that when it comes to writing, so many people think they can do it.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s at least easier than juggling, right?<\/p>\n<h2><strong>Juggling Writing<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>I always wrote stories. I was the kid who kept a journal. I tried writing movies before I ever saw a screenplay. Despite that, I didn&#8217;t really look at writing as a thing I&#8217;d try doing professionally until I was about 20. It became bigger than juggling soon after. I still juggled (still do), but I let the hours I juggled become the hours I wrote. Along the way, I found that writing well was much harder than juggling well. One obsession (juggling) was traded for the other (writing). And I became obsessed to the point of losing things:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>&#8220;I&#8217;d love to go to that party, but I have other plans&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I can&#8217;t work overtime because I have other plans&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I&#8217;ll take care of my health later; I have other plans&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The <em>other plans<\/em> were writing&#8230;all the time, as much as I could.<\/p>\n<p>I resented my day job because it took time away from writing. I slept 3-4 hours a night because it gave me more time to write. I put off so many other things in order to write as much as I could. It was a race I <em>had <\/em>to win.<\/p>\n<p>And I had a plan&#8230;<\/p>\n<h2><strong>My Old [Dramatic] Plan<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>Twenty years.<\/p>\n<p>That&#8217;s what I&#8217;d give myself: twenty years.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;d be writing full time by the time I was 40. If not, I&#8217;d give up. (After all, twenty years was a lifetime&#8230;at least a lifetime when I was twenty.)<\/p>\n<p>And to be clear about what I mean by &#8220;give up,&#8221; I mean I planned to give up my life. (Because what better way to prove you&#8217;re serious about writing than to give yourself 20 years to make it, and end your life if you don&#8217;t?)<\/p>\n<p>(And yes, I realize how stupid that plan was. If you&#8217;re interested about the entry I wrote about my struggles with depression, <a title=\"The Luckiest Man Alive.\" href=\"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/2012\/01\/14\/the-luckiest-man-alive\/\">it&#8217;s right here<\/a>.)<\/p>\n<p>For me, writing was all or nothing!<\/p>\n<h2><strong>A Simple, Stupid Plan<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>My 20-year plan was a stupid plan. Not so much because it meant that I was <em>so <\/em>into writing that I&#8217;d put such high stakes on it, but because I put my life in the hands of others.<\/p>\n<p>In the 20 year race to writing success, I had some close calls&#8230;the kinds of close calls some people only dream of having. But because I was so hellbent on making it in 20 years, instead of seeing those close calls as a sign I was good enough to make it, all I saw was the clock ticking down.<\/p>\n<p>As I neared 40, I still didn&#8217;t regret the times I put off other things in order to write (even today, I&#8217;m not sure I&#8217;d call that obsession regret) &#8212; I regretted that I was coming up to my biggest deadline ever!<\/p>\n<p>All it did was make me depressed.<\/p>\n<h2><strong>Tick Tock&#8230;<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>My favorite quote is from the Tennessee Williams&#8217;s essay, <a title=\"The Wikipedia entry about The Catastrophe of Success.\" href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/The_Catastrophe_of_Success\">&#8220;The Catastrophe of Success.&#8221;<\/a> It ends with the following lines:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>&#8220;&#8216;In the time of your life, live!&#8217; That time is short and it doesn&#8217;t  return again. It is slipping away while I write this and while you read  this, and the monosyllable of the clock is loss, loss, loss, unless you  devote your heart to its opposition.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Only problem in my case: I had convinced myself by the very act of writing that I was devoting my heart to the opposition of time stealing precious seconds from my life. If I fight to justify my obsession, I can still make the argument.<\/p>\n<p>Only I now know how wrong I was&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>[Tomorrow: Part 2]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>[I don&#8217;t know how many entries this will become&#8230;maybe three? While I don&#8217;t get too personal on the blog, for some reason, I feel compelled to write this. So I am.] * * * Somewhere around 20, I traded one obsession for another. When I was 12 I taught myself how to juggle. I wasn&#8217;t [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":""},"categories":[24,59],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4106"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4106"}],"version-history":[{"count":17,"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4106\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4129,"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4106\/revisions\/4129"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4106"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4106"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.christophergronlund.com\/blog\/tjw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4106"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}