Your mind isn’t the only one that wonders when a conversation is one sided–mine does, too. But during those times, I tune into other things. If it’s something I can’t excuse myself from and the person won’t stop babbling, they really don’t care if I reply or not, so they become writing fodder to me.

I listed to the way they form words and I watch their mannerisms. I think about what the hell their parents did to them to make them babble on and on. I listen and wonder what other obsessive traits they may have besides going on and on. I wonder why they feel such a need to be heard, but not interact with others.

Trust me, we’re not that different; my mind definitely wanders, but if I’m stuck there, I’m going to listen to other things and see patterns in character and things that make one babbler different than another.

It helps with dialogue, and it helps me hit on universal traits some people have and the little things that make them different enough to not be a stereotype.

I do think you are right: most people who ask for advice don’t want advice–they want the secret shortcut.

Where writing is concerned, there’s no secret shortcut. Writing is harder work than most people think. The novel I’m working on right now…I started it years ago. But I knew I wasn’t good enough to pull it off back then, so I wrote two other novels first.

I’ve always been a sponge, so I’ve been pretty good at taking advice over the years. When it comes to the little bit of writing advice I’ve received, I’ve listened and learned. I’ve probably sought out and listened to more advice from a distance, but when I’ve directly asked writers, jugglers, or managers for advice, I focused on a specific thing I knew they could do that I respected or wanted to do (so there’s a bit of the me first thing in there), and asked them how I could get there.

Then, after asking, I shut up and listened, only asking questions after they were done talking, and only if the question was really worth asking. Then I used the advice and let the person who helped me know that it worked.

There are definitely a lot of people out there who just want to hear themselves talk, but I’ve found that there are a lot of people who really do want to help others. If I ask for advice, even if it’s not what I expected, I still pay the courtesy of listening, because nobody has to share what they know.

I’ve received some bad advice over the years, and there are definitely people into one-sided conversation I’ve excused myself from or avoided entirely.

But by listening and using the advice I’ve asked for, and even by listening to some one-sided conversations in my time, I’ve become a better writer.

Thanks for the reply!